In an Aish.com article http://www.aish.com/f/m/When_A_Spouse_Changes.html, Aish.com tries to put up a tolerant veneer where a spouse should respect the partner who does not want to be as religious.
The commenters in the comments section of the article aren't all that convinced.
From the first comment by an asshole who called himself Mati-
For the questioner: Walking a field of landmines.
Time and time again, I have seen that the woman sets the tone of the house. Do you value your children learning from an unobservant mother? If one can take careful steps to not PUSH the wife into Judaism, but rather PULLS her into Judaism with its attractions, the marriage may work. However, there will be a point where one must divorce should she not see the values and lifestyle you do. Additionally, it is written, "like a dog in heat, she brings her spouce into gehinnom."
Woooooooow. Sooooo tolerant. Sure.
From the third commenter-
(3) lori Averick, December 12, 2010
recipe for disaster
To reiterate the point in the article, if any one spouse thinks it is okay to go the journey alone while trying to be a "couple" he or she is sadly mistaken. I lived this for eight years. With many assurances that my husband would "come along" I continued growing and davening for success. Well, success isn't always packaged the way we think it should be. I am newly divorced and confident that this was the right decision for me. Its a difficult, sometimes painful process, but if you are honest and true to yourself, your spouse and Hashem, it will be worth it in the end. Good luck.
My God, the tolerance is stunning.
From the fourth commenter-
(4) Sarah, December 12, 2010
It won't work, in all seriousness
I've seen it tried many times before, where once spouse watches TV Friday night and the other tries to conduct a Shabbat meal with the children. Guess what happens? As young kids they may like some of the Jewish stuff, but when they become teenagers they will prefer the more "lawless" life and will not care for anything religious. And how can you expect to have a Kosher home if the wife doesn't care about Kosher, and the halachas surrounding keeping a Kosher kitchen? How can you expect your kids to say Shema before going to bed if mommy won't say it with them?
Another great example of tolerance comes from the fifth commenter-
I empathize with the questioner, as I too undertook a path of spiritual growth without my wife's participation. I agree with the author that spouses can expect to undergo major changes over the course of a long-term marriage; however, religion is an especially delicate and difficult issue. Unlike a situation where a spouse takes up a passionate interest in say, golf, the non-religious partner cannot simply pretend to share interest in Judaism simply for the sake of the relationship. Building a Jewish home may require changes to where one lives, how one dresses, how one eats, where to send the children to school, how to spend one's Saturdays, how spouses relate to each other intimately...the list is endless. Regardless of the pace, if the wife does not approach these changes from her own free will and commitment, she will develop resentment that will undermine the marriage and cause conflict in the home. In my own case, my wife and I first tried to reconcile our differences. When reconciliation did not succeed, we tried coexistence. When coexistence proved impossible, we chose divorce. It was probably the best thing for us and especially for our children, since they no longer had to live in a home with conflict and mixed messages. Not every situation has to be this way. Guidance from a wise and compassionate Rav is essential. I pray that Hashem will guide the questioner to the path that is best for him and for his family.
A few of the comments in the Aish thread are sensible but the intolerance goes on and on.
AISH IS FULL OF SHIT!!!!!!! Orthodox Judaism RUINS marriages because of the intolerance of the followers, and then they say that marriages of lesser and more religious men and women won't work; it's a self fufilling prophecy.
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