Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Orthodox Guidelines For Summer

1) No talking to girls no looking at girls. Guys must wear blindfolds girls must wear paper bags on their heads and shave off ALL of their hair.

2) One must spend seven hours a day learning and one hour a day doing sports. Water must be glatt kosher using only the latest in kosher inspection technology. Being bored while learning the same stuff over and over again is a very very serious avayrah because it's Toyrah.

3) Men must wear the heaviest suits and biggest fedoras that they can find. As many layers of clothing as possible, and 100 pairs of tzitzis. Same to women with regard to skirts. The Gemarah in mesechta Breachos says, "Praiseworthy is he who makes himself suffer for no fackin reason in the name of God." Also, no shorts allowed.


Pinchas said...

Secular Guidelines for Summer

1. Girls must wear as little as possible and shave everything but the hair on their head. Anorexia and body image dysmorphia are encouraged. So is getting drunk and getting raped or spreading STD's.

2. Spend eight hours a day doing nothing, smoking pot or listening to the music you'll hate a year later. Spend no time at all learning anything, but do work at a minimum wage job... if you can find one.

3. Men must wear the latest fashions from Abercrombie and Fitch. Women must wear the latest fashions from American Apparel. Blowing through 500 dollars just to pick up brand label versions of things no sane person would wear... priceless.

SJ said...

Free society entails the freedom to make mistakes. It's better than having no freedom.

Ari said...

I like both these lists.

*Why do you always say Fackin?
It's strange to read constantly.